The rose not taken

There is an unconscious bias that says youth are prettier. Not that it isn’t, but given the fact that multiple advertisements and messages on social media create a heightened panic about ageing, I was also a wee bit afraid of what might become of me as I was heading closer towards a milestone birthday recently.

On D-day, I received so many gifts from friends and family as they showered me with their unfiltered love, laced with jokes of mild ridicule about my departure from the formidable forties. I must confess that even though I was tempted to retort to their quips, I enjoyed the attention and couldn’t stop feeling special all day. However, by nightfall, I sat eagerly beside my bed to open the gifts.

Bitten by the force of habit, I immediately pulled out my notebook to write down the name of every gift and its giver, because each gift was special. As part of my standard protocol, each year I send personalised thank-you notes to my gifters because I feel good expressing my gratitude to them.

While all the gifts were lovely, I noticed a new pattern emerging in this set of birthday gifts. Firstly, my husband and my team members somehow colluded and gave me two identical-looking bouquets of roses. Even though I love only oriental lilies, both my husband and my team thought that giving me roses would be more appropriate for this day. Furthermore, they ensured that the number of roses in each posse matched the exact number of years I had spent on Mother Earth.

Well, the other gifts were no different. No, no, I didn’t mean that they were also roses, but they met the ‘age-appropriate’ qualifier. I received frames for spectacles, off-white socks, non-slip shoes, lightweight shawls, multivitamin hamper packs, and serums for anti-ageing. I wasn’t angry, but I was certainly quizzical.

What did turning 50 signal to the world about me? Why did they feel that I needed sobriety? Was I on the wrong side of the age continuum? For days after that, I remained contemplative and asked myself: How does a single date change in my calendar create a watershed moment for others? 

Dissatisfied with my own inferences and trivial analysis, I called a wise friend of mine and hoped to find answers. I always believed that since he was older than me, he knew better, and I knew I wasn’t wrong. While trying to calm my annoyance with his naturally compassionate tone, he said, "You are experiencing the impact of ageism bias,"  and suddenly it hit me that I was also guilty of the same crime. Remember!! I called him for advice only because he was older than me.